When Encouragement Feels Like Rejection
When Encouragement Feels Like Rejection: A Behavioral Mindset Approach to Misreading Growth Opportunities at Work
I received an anonymous question that sparked a much deeper reflection on how we interpret feedback, especially from leaders who see our potential. The question was simple, but it revealed something more complex:
“My supervisor keeps asking if I’m interested in other positions every time a new role is posted. I’m starting to feel like they want me to leave, or that they don’t want me on the team. I haven’t said I’m looking to leave—so why do they keep doing this?”
This question struck me—not because it was unusual, but because it’s common. And it reveals how our internal mindset, emotions, and past experiences can influence how we receive what might actually be support.
As I reflected on this, I found myself considering how often people misinterpret growth as rejection, especially when they’re not used to being recognized for their expertise. That’s where the Behavioral Mindset comes in—a framework built around taking aligned, intentional action toward growth, even when your emotions or assumptions tell you otherwise.
The Behavioral Mindset Lens
Behavioral Mindset is an intentional practice of aligning your thoughts, beliefs, and daily behaviors to support growth, adaptability, and effectiveness. In this case, it challenges us to pause and consider:
Alignment
Are your interpretations aligned with your actual performance and value—or are they shaped by self-doubt?
Sometimes, the issue isn’t how others see us—it’s how we see ourselves. A manager highlighting new opportunities could be a reflection of how capable and ready you appear to them. If your self-view doesn’t match that, it’s worth exploring where that disconnect comes from.
Intention
Are you being intentional about how you receive feedback or guidance from leadership?
Rather than immediately assuming the worst, pause and ask: What might their intention be? Could this be encouragement instead of exclusion?
Action
What actions can you take that reflect confidence in your value?
You could choose to engage your manager in an open conversation:
“I’ve noticed you’ve shared several roles with me—thank you for thinking of me. I’d love to understand what potential you see and whether there’s a direction you believe I could grow toward.”
That’s a powerful behavioral choice rooted in self-leadership.
Reflection
Here are a few reflective questions to guide your personal growth:
Why do I feel like I’m being pushed away when I might actually be being elevated?
Am I uncomfortable with being seen as ready for more because I’ve never been encouraged like this before?
What would happen if I accepted that my manager genuinely supports me?
As I thought more about this question, I had a completely different take. It’s possible—likely even—that the manager recognizes this employee’s growth and expertise. Rather than trying to push them out, they may want to ensure that when new opportunities arise, this person knows they have full support to grow and thrive.
In fact, I wonder if the person who asked this question might be a little too hard on themselves. It seems like they don’t fully recognize how valuable they are—and that’s something many high performers quietly struggle with.
Growth doesn’t always come in the form of a promotion, a raise, or a title change. Sometimes, it comes as recognition. And when that recognition makes you uncomfortable, it’s worth asking why.
Having a Behavioral Mindset reminds us that growth isn’t about waiting to feel ready. It’s about acting in alignment with who we’re becoming—even when our inner voice still questions if we’re good enough.